Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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