i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
