It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
