as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
