you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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