my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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