He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
