Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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