Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
