just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
