people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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