I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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