Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
