This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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