the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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