quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
