my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
