You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
