He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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