Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
