Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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