i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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