I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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