I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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