my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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