My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
