I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
