how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
