Where did you get a picture of my penis
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
