Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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