do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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