Sry I called you an 8
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
