Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
