$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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