you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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