i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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