My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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