Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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