he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
