u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
