worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
