I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize