this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
