Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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