My hand turned me down
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
