Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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