Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
