And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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