I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't deserve a penis
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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