It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
