this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
