im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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