and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
