im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
