Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
