Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
