i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
