i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
