when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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