So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
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dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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