I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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