is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
