Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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