hotel room ftw
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
