Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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