you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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