he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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