I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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