Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
