Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do vagina's smell?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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